Thursday 30 January 2020

A Drunk Story


‘I need a beer.’ That’s what I thought shortly after I saw this amazing girl. There is something truly awful about falling in love with a girl that can never love you back. When you come back to that place. The place where you first knew she is the one. Where you saw her beauty for the first time. The long soft curly hair seemingly floating on air as though in slow motion. And her stare with bright blue eyes fitting perfectly to her warm cheeks and her perfect smile.

In that Moment you realise that you had forgotten all about the world. All you see is her. Listening to how she talks as though she was Shakespeare, singing as though she was Monroe. Her laugh more beautiful than any you've seen before and her body one that should strike all in oar. And everything just stops. My heart skips a beat, my fingers tremble and my head starts to spin. Dreaming about what we could do together, planning the rest of our lives in that one moment where everything will be perfect. 

‘Just kiss her’ I think. ‘No that would make everything way more complicated. We're friends and I could really do with having a friend like her, someone who likes to talk, someone who is open and trustworthy, someone who listens to me too. But I might as well tell her I love her. No, I might as well bloody not.’ What If she says "No, sorry I don't see you that way?” ‘What will I do then? How embarrassing that would be?’ Or much worse what if she says, "I know"? ‘I'd be fucked… I couldn't live with myself.’ 
The worst possible answer would be: "I love you too". ‘Fuck I'd be scared then… That's the rest of my life gone. I’ll be hard working just to make her happy every day. What if we have kids? How am I supposed to support them? What if she ages really badly? Or what if I age really badly and she leaves me for some handsome ripped French guy who is loaded, and I’m left alone having to pay the allomone for our child and my only friend will be a banana plant I named Jeff and then in the end I’ll be staring at the TV watching some sleazy TV show and eating three-day-old pizza slices.’

"Don't you think?" Fuck she said something. Just nod and say something...
"Aye" I answer.
Fuck knows why... I'm neither Scottish nor a Spas. Why the fuck would I say "Aye"?
‘My God… this girl can talk though. Jesus how did we get to this topic again?’
"So then I said to him: No, you go fuck yourself. And he was like... really shocked that I was like... well… Fucking coursing at him... so…"
Well, alright she isn't exactly perfect, but she is definitely better than the last couple of girls I've meet. I mean the girl I meet up with two weeks ago still wore braces…Jesus braces?! We're not fucking twelve anymore sweetheart! Get a fucking grip!
I should probably try flirting a bit. Maybe wink at her or something. No that’s silly I’m not cool enough to pull that off. Ok, try something… close on eye contact, maybe that'll work.
"Are you alright? You’re looking funny?"
Fuck...
"Yeah… Yeah fine. Do continue…" I gesture with my hand politely.
Now she thinks I’m weird. Well how else am I supposed to get her to like me? I mean I could try talking more but she doesn't even finish a sentence and already starts another one. I haven't got time to say anything.
"Pffffffff" I let out a slight puff with my cheeks.
"Sorry, am I boring you?" She asks. ‘I really really really did it this time.’

"Sorry no I was just thinking... well... well I thought I might-"
"Have another drink?". Peter interrupts and immediately starts flirting with that girl. Now her attitude has changed completely. Her eyes gaze upon this male specimen standing to my right. 6'5, blonde and blue eyes and ripped as though he's gone to the gym since the day, he left his mother’s womb. Works at a bank making a couple of grand a month. I know what you’re thinking… what does she see in him right? Peter is a Prick. I mean he’s been my best friend for… well as long as I can remember really but still, he’s a prick. So Hence forth he shall be referred to as Prick Pete in my head. Partially because I’m really proud of having come up with that joke all by myself but mostly because to me he is a prick.
"Yeah, tha mate" I pick up the beer and give him a look as though to say: I warmed her up for you bruv, she's all yours, you two love birds have fun. Then I turn around and I walk away.

"Hey how you doin'?"
I turn around. Now who here makes Joey Tribiiani references? Who is this goddess?
It's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Brown eyes and a smile that melts my heart. And she's funny. I can just imagine her with her kids playing in the park and being absolutely - lovely.

"Hi I'm Patricia."
Yeah… Fuck no.
I… am… not… seeing myself with that name.
"Hi...yeah... I'm.... leaving" I reply, turn around and head to the dance floor. Maybe I'll find the people I came here with in the first place. Well… that includes a Couple who have been in a relationship for six years and are "so incredibly happy". Cameron and Lizzy. What Lizzy doesn't know is he's been cheating on her for 2 years. But I'm not going to spoil their party, after all I get to play FIFA at their house for hours every day without having to pay rent. I don't really see the necessity to make things complicated for them and, much more importantly, myself. The other bloke I'm here with is mister woman snatched over in the smoking area. What a prick... I've known the guy for 15 years and this is what he does to me. 

I walk past two girls. They’re young… way too young to be at this party. They’re looking at me from the other side of the dance floor. I look away as though I hadn't seen. ‘Try to look cool bro. This is our chance. Stroke through your hair and take another sip. Pretend you're a busy guy who is on a mission of some sort. Be like James Bond only a bit cooler and take a sip of your cheap beer.’ Right in that very moment I spill my beer on my shirt. As the beer drips down my mouth I look at those girls again and smile nervously. Both look at me with disgust and turn to each other laughing and walk away… 

‘Well this couldn't have possibly gone worse.’ Right then I see that womanising twat, Prick Pete, kissing that girl outside in the smokers’ section. ‘Ok cool I can live with that’ I turn and try to find the others. I see my other mate, Cameron, snogging with Patricia on the dance floor. ‘Yeah good on ya mate, where is Lizzy though? Ah she’ll be fine’ I think. And I just now realised that the two young girls were now making out with one another as well. “Great I might have misread that situation then” I mumble. 

“What the actual Fuck?!” I hear Lizzy say just behind me. She saw Cameron and Patricia. Right then she runs towards the bathroom. 

‘Brilliant…’ I follow her and start to walk away from the dance floor, look at my beer and chug the rest. 

As I arrive in the bathroom, I dry my Beer socked T-Shirt in front of the mirror and look at myself. My skin still white in mid-August. My hair totally messed up and my tongue blue from those shots we had earlier. ‘Well fuck it. I'm just here to get drunk anyway.’ 
I turn around to see Lizzy sobbing in the girl’s bathroom. I walk to the door and I'm greeted by screams.
"Get our you fucking perv!" “Get lost you creep!”
"Oh, Fuck off, no one in their right mind would wanna see your twats in the first place!" I reply.
"Lizzy, Are you alright?" I ask.
She turns around to show her teared face and her mascara running down like paint from a wet canvass. 
"He cheated on me! He fucking cheated on me..." 

Her words were calm. She sounded quietly disturbed as though she was surprised that it was in fact Cameron who had cheated on her and not her cheating on him with somebody else. She looked as though she would start burning the whole club down with a lighter if she could.
"Well... right... I don't... I don't know what to... Ehm... eh... do you want another beer?" I offer.
She through her lipstick at me and closed the bathroom door.
‘Well… I should have seen that coming. What was I thinking? Why would I ask her that? How emotionally impaired do I have to be? Well fuck this. I'm getting another beer.’
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The Death of Gods Men



Let me paint you a Picture:
In the centre a rusty old fishing boat in a storm with massive waves.
On deck stands a fisherman loosening knots; Draped in water he’s wearing yellow cape.
Just behind him: a wave in the midst of breaking right above him thus sweeping him out to the open sea.
Just to the left: the captain trying to keep the vesel afloat also dressed in a yellow cape but safe from water in his captains’ quarter by the wheel.

Zoom in:
The fisherman on deck. His face seems aged. His eyes are closed.
His mouth: open as though in the middle of a scream. The captain by the wheel. He looks aged with his big white beard. His expression one of sheer terror. His eyes are open but only black. His eyebrows raised as far as possible and his mouth slightly open as though mumbling his final prayer.

Zoom out:
A wave of inevitability.
It is dark blue almost blackish. Its white breaker about to crash into the boat like a great white shark’s teeth attacking a baby seal.
The sky is filled by dark clouds and more waves are to either side of the wave and boat, seemingly just as tremendously deathly as the one which is about to sink the fishermen’s boat.

Zoom in closely:
This time notice the fishermen’s hands.
The captain is holding a crucifix in his right: clearly a man of God. His left hand is trying to hold on to the wheel. The wooden wheel painted in a greyish white is not stable. It is amid a spin. Now look at the fisherman’s hands again and notice he isn’t loosening knots. He is standing at the edge of port side grabbing hold of the railing with his left hand and holding a book in his right. The books title: “The Gods Men”. Underneath the fisherman’s left hand more letters. The boats name. “Genesis 6-9”.

This pictures name:
The death of Gods Men.
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A Letter To A Son


Poem 1: A Letter To A Son
We look up to the stars at night
And we begin to realise
That this is our demise
Not everything we say are lies

Well we’re trying something new
‘Cause we’re in love, it’s true
And now the day has passed
But the eternal light shall never last

The one waiting for a summer’s day
The one who turned their back on May
When lovers have long gone
A warning for the young

When the sun has brightly shone
Loud screaming - heavy lungs
A life now just begun
A lyric - never sung
A father - filled with pride
A son just by his side
Growing up is fine
In a life so intertwined

And all of this because
We looked up to the stars one night
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